It has been a while. March has been a very hectic month where I lost my touch in blogging and truly focused on my mental wellbeing away from my laptop. All I did was sleep, play Criminal Case and watch Youtube videos on my phone. During this time, I really got thinking about my biggest insecurities. Almost all of them are insecurities that people deem as positive qualities about me.
Okay, I know what you’re thinking: how can you be insecure with listening to others?! It’s probably the fact that sometimes I listen too much, you know? I make this face and people think that I’m looking bored or thinking about something completely irrelevant like, say, what I’m having for dinner or my to-do list for the rest of the day. Let me assure you that I’m not distracted: I’m just thinking about the best advice I can give you. I don’t give any advice without thinking it through, because I don’t want you to screw up.
The literal meaning is “the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.” I was ‘blessed’ with the ability to feel what others feel as they speak. If my bestfriend is sad about something, I can literally feel it inside me, and I become sad instantly. It can work with positive feelings too, like love and laughter and ambition. How is this bad then, you’re asking? It’s the fact that I put others’ feelings ahead of mine most of the time. I will worry about your feelings over mine, no matter how petty the problem is.
This is practically linked the the previous insecurity. When I put others’ feelings ahead of mine, I also worry about others, and put myself in the backseat or even completely forget about them. This may seem as negligence towards myself… and it is you’re right, but it is out of the goodness of my heart that I care about you. Speaking of which!
Isn’t caring a good trait that some lack? Yes it is, but when you care about a lot of things at the same time in an excessive amount then it becomes a problem. Say a student from my class is sick; my worries are if they’re okay, when they’ll be back and how they will catch up on classwork. If something happened to a colleague I go out of my way to make sure they’re okay and that I’ll be there for them no matter the severity.
Here me out about this: everyone has knowledge on various things, even knowledge on lack of knowledge is enough. But sometimes knowing too much of a lot of things makes me super insecure. I wouldn’t want to seem like a smart-ass, but at the same time I don’t want to pretend like I don’t know things, you know? I’m quite knowledgeable in:
- Pop culture
- The Beatles
- Mental health (because why else would I post on mental health awareness if I didn’t?!)
Sometimes when I talk about things I am passionate about, I feel people’s thoughts are all against me, like “Ugh what a smart ass”, or “Oh she thinks she knows so much!”
So these are some of my insecurities that make me the most anxious. I really wanted to get these out there, because insecurities won’t make you feel lesser than others. Insecurities are normal; even the best of people have insecurities, whether they are personality traits or physical.
That’s it for me. Stay strong,