Dear younger me,
Don’t be startled. This is not some wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey thing. (If you want to understand that reference watch Doctor Who. Trust me… I mean… you?!). This is a genuine letter guiding you towards your future – I mean my future… you know what? I’ll speak as if you’re you and I’m me.
I am sorry for not always standing up for you. The times you were told a failure by teachers, a fat good-for-nothing by family and peers. But know that your silence will eventually turn into a rage that will spread love, happiness and awareness in several years’ time.
I’m also sorry for letting you harm your body by starving and harming yourself. You will eventually learn to love your scars and stretch marks. There are people with similar bodies as you that will help you love your body as much as they do. I promise that in the future you won’t bully your body. You’re not flawed, you’re beautiful and human.
You’re at a stage in your life where you feel that you’re not enough. And that you need to change everything about you so that you can fit in.. I’m sorry I allowed you to be afraid of yourself, living authentically and for letting you fear yourself. Your character will bring forth a lot of beautiful friendships – yes, I’m still friends with Marthea, even after years and years! – and an amazing boyfriend – YES. YOU. WILL. FIND. THE. ONE. – and a job where you’ll be helping others, particularly children.
Your worth is not determined by your grades and people who like you, as you will soon find out. The person you think is your friend will soon turn her back at you (not Marthea, she’s bae throughout), the grade you think will determine your future will not really. Just one thing: your love for learning languages will keep on going in the future (At 24, you will be learning German, and I’m sure you will learn Spanish and Irisl as you’ve always dreamt in the future!).
Stop hiding in the shadows. Let your voice be heard, not when it’s too late but IMMEDIATELY. Live loud and free because looking back, I regret not being as outspoken then as I am now. You may not think so, but your presence always brings peace and love.
Know that I won’t ever give up on who you want yourself to become as you grow up. I have faith in you and your ideologies. So yeah, what if you agree with something revolutionary and controversial that not many agree with? Let your opinions known, don’t be ashamed of being different! Different is beautiful.
Despite the way I have treated you, you are so damn beautiful inside and out. There will be a time where people will want to have your character: sensitive, smart, witty at times. You will become stronger and more courageous as time goes by. Crying is okay, it’s a sign that you’ve had too much bottled up that you need to vent. Use writing to let out the positive and negative feelings inside of you. Writing will get you to many great opportunities.
I promise that I will tell you that you are valuable, and that for the most part, I will truly believe it. Even more importantly, I promise that I will treat you like you are valuable. I will treat you like you are worth everything that is wonderful and special in this world.
From today, I will raise you up higher than I ever have before, and when you fall down, I will not let you stay down. I will lift you back up, again and again and again. I’ll always be here for you. Even when you have everyone, even if you have no one. I’m here to stay.
Present You (Me)